Sunday, December 11, 2011

White Trash Redneck Christmas

also see Christmas Shoes the epic white trash tragic country / christian / hard luck / tearjerker / sad christmas song of all time.

Asian American Dad posts tribute to his exotic host indigenous white American culture that I grew up assimilating into... and it didn't affect me at all.

Warning, some inappropriate humor in there for all you other traditional Asian moms and dads from the old country....


I’m dreamin’ of a White Trash Christmas.
We’ll decorate the mobile home.
There’ll be cousins kissin’
And green teeth missin’
And you’ll hear grandpa peein’ in the snow.
I’m dreamin’ of a White Trash Christmas.
No Christmas card from my ex-wife.
(spoken) I did get a subpoena, though.
Our family tree is leanin’ to the right,
And we’ll all be playin’ poker, Christmas night.
(spoken) Ladies and gentlemen, one of the Three Wise Men on harmonica.
[harmonica solo]
(spoken) Let’s pick out a few presents now.
We’re gonna celebrate another White Trash Christmas
With Mad Dog wine and Miller Lite.
And when our hound dog is howlin’ through the night,
He says may all your Christmases be white.
(spoken) Oh, uh, pay no attention to that ‘All Trespassers Will Be Shot’ sign. That don’t apply to you, Santa. Nice rack on Blitzen, though.

More about this guy:

Unless you've spent the last few years hiding out in some cave in Tora Bora, you certainly know Bob Rivers as America's funniest song parodist. With such riotous ditties as 'Have Yourself An Ozzy Little Christmas' and the totally tacky title track, Seattle's #1 morning man's uproarious new White Trash Christmas will have you ho-ho-ho-ing all the way to the trailer park. The album is highlighted by 'Osama Got Ran Over By A Reindeer', which was the hilarious holiday hit of 2001 at a number of radio stations across the country. Atlantic. 2002.

found here

Wait, there's more....

Osama Got Run Over

Little Hooters Girl (ugh)

Pains of Christmas

Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire (very bad)

Cutting Down the Tannenbaum

For the very brave,
list of all the youtube Bob Rivers songs. Yeesh, there's some edgy stuff in there.

White Trash Christmas

White Trash Christmas

Bob RiversAudio CD

These links don't work, but they do on the Amazon site.

Song TitleTimePrice
listen  1. Aquaclaus2:47$0.99Buy Track
listen  2. What If Eminem Did Jingle Bells?3:06$0.99Buy Track
listen  3. Osama Got Run Over By A Reindeer

1:43$0.99Buy Track
listen  4. White Trash Christmas2:45$0.99Buy Track
listen  5. The Little Hooters Girl1:52$0.99Buy Track
listen  6. Be Claus I Got High3:27$0.99Buy Track
listen  7. No So Silent Night1:53$0.99Buy Track
listen  8. Me And Mrs. Claus2:20$0.99Buy Track
listen  9. Have Yourself An Ozzy Little Christmas1:49$0.99Buy Track
listen10. Merry Christmas Allah2:41$0.99Buy Track
listen11. Shoppin' Around For A Christmas Tree1:51$0.99Buy Track
listen12. I'll Be Stoned For Christmas2:27$0.99Buy Track

DECEMBER 08, 2009

I'm Dreaming of a White Trash Christmas

It's Christmas party season, and I've been singing this song pretty much compulsively for the last several days now, so I guess it's OK to share it with you guys. It's Robert Earl Keen's "Merry Christmas From the Family." The song and the video are priceless. Enjoy.

A tip of my Texas ten-gallon to Dale Price of Dyspeptic Mutterings for alerting me to this great song. BTW, I swear that Christmas at my house isn't (much) like this. Really.

Foxworthy Redneck Days of Christmas

Somebody dun gone to the Walmart
Man this the stuff I got for christmas
Well you cleaned up what ya get
5 flannel shirts
4 big mut tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dogs
And some parts to a mustang gt
There's twelve days of christmas
I know that I got it covers look over there in the corner
That's your stuff too!
Chorus:--12 packs of bud
11 reslen tickets
10 a copinhagin
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of red men
6 packs of spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mut tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin dogs
And some parts to a mustang gt
Man this ant normle christmas presnts
No ther redneck gifts
Redneck gifts
Ya like if you buy you wife a pair of earings that duble as fishins luers
Of you can burp the entire chorus to jingle bells
Or if you think that the nut cracker is something you did of the high dive
Or if youve ever miss-spelled any thing in christmas lights
Or if you leave cold beer and pickled eggs for santa claus
What's wrong with that
I never ssaid there was something wrong with it it's just hard to beat


Well you know you can't really call it a christmas unless you go down to the penitentery and visit your mamma
Your not lisenin to me get the care key out of your ear
Now I'm gunna do it for you again now listen
[ Lyrics fr

More lyrics:

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